So the other day I was having my usual morning chat while driving to work to one of my best friends.  My mom.  I was catching her up on what had happened in Chez Young over the weekend and we somehow got chatting about friends and friendship.  My mother is truly one of my best friends in the whole wide world.  I tell her everything and know that she will give me good, honest, ethical advise when needed, will whip my butt into shape when needed and will sometimes just listen and let me cry when needed.  My sister is another best friend.  One that drives me up the wall at times but a best friend.


I have always been the type of girl who has that one special girlfriend.  A friend who doesn’t HAVE to be your friend (like a mother and a sister have to be) I have always had a substantial circle of friends but have always had that one “extra special” friend.  You know the one I’m talking about right? The one who you can climb into bed with and talk non stop about life, boys, crap, laugh together, share jokes with and the like.  As I  morphed into being and adult then finding my partner in life, there has always been my close friend, my BFF if you will in my life.  As Cliff and I got together, we joined not just our lives but our friends as well.  So his mates became my mates and vice versa.  We had single friends (me with that one special one mixed in there) and our couple friends. As we started battling with infertility we found that we were being left behind by our couple friends.  They all had kids, we did not.  We didn’t get their lifestyles and they started leaving us out of things to spare our feelings. We started drawing away cos we were hurting and not nice to be around.  I lost many of my single friends too as my life was about obsessing about falling pregnant and theirs was about trying to find a husband and partying the nights away.

As life changed we made and found new couple friends through the fertility clinic. (To be fair Cliff made friends with the men cos I was friends with the women from the clinic)   Many of us have (thank God) crossed over into being parents of our own kids.  Life happened and it morphed again and somehow in all that has happened I find myself in a place where I have many good friends, one or two really close friends but no one I can say is that person that I can climb into that bed with.  If you watch Greys think Meredith and Christina.  I feel like Meredith who has lost her Christina.

I have a friend of 20+ years who I miss like crazy, I guess she will probably always be my soul friend… She and her family live in Dubai and when they visit SA it’s like no time at all has passed.  She is my one special friend that I don’t think I will ever lose but it’s not the same as having that friend close by.  The one who you go away for weekends with and put up with her dodgy husband cos you love her so much… Am I even making sense?

I miss having that person.  That friend who I know I can call at 03h30 in the morning when the shit is hitting the fan and who will come get me in her jaarmies… That person that I can bitch about my much longed for  family to.  The one who will be honest with me no matter what.  The one who will tell me when they disagree with my decisions, what I’ve said or whatever.

It is weird for me, because I like being that person to someone else as well.  And right now I’m not.  But maybe I will be again someday.

I hope so.

6 thoughts on “Friendship

  1. Awww lady. I don’t have a Christina to my Mer either, and ja, you do want that someone [ who isn’t your husband] but I think we can be just fine without it either. Maybe with time on of the folks you got now will become that person. In the meanwhile beeeeeeeeeeeeeg hugs.

    1. You know Cassey you make a good point. There are many people out there who don’t have that “soul” friend and are just fine without it. I am not unhappy about my friend situation, I have always liked having that one special friend but now that I am without it I am ok. Would I like to have it again with someone? Sure. But if I never get it, I will be ok with that too.

  2. Oh Sam, I could have written this (apart from the details of course). I miss two special BFF who have both moved far away – one in Canada and one in Oz. And with time differences skype is also not a regular option.

    I truly truly miss them. Every day. I feel a bit lost without a BFF

  3. I so understand you when you talk about that one special friend. I have been lucky to have had more than one over my 35 years, each at a different area of my life. Like you, I also have those special ladies from school days who I don’t see at all anymore, but I know that when I do see them in December, we will pick up where we left off.
    Your sister is my Christina, always will be, and I miss her alot over here.
    I wrote a post last October about making new friends here, but in the last 12 months, I have come to realise that leading a semi-expat lifestyle has a slightly different set of rules. I have great friends here, for which I am grateful!

  4. You know, I used to feel like I was missing out to have a girl “person”. But then I started to explore friendship when I was writing about it. And I realised that I LOVE having my husband as MY PERSON. And I love having VARIOUS girl persons for VARIOUS things. My life just feels fuller because of it, and I am comfortable with it.

    Can you remember this post that I wrote about Meredith and Christina?

    Go look at your comment!
    I DO love Christina and Meredith, even though they are somewhat unrealistic. Last night, I watched Christina leave and I cried buckets and BUCKETS! I am going to have to blog about it on Friday.

    All that said, I will pray that God will send someone amazing into your life. Someone that can fill the gap that you’re feeling.

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