My Timehop lately is filled to the brim with memories that are making me feel like a serious running failure of late.
Last year this time, I was well fit, I was running consistently, and even if I have to say so myself, really well. I was consistently shaving minutes off my 21km times and each race that I ran saw me hitting a new PB.
This year….ummmmm. Not so much.
It all started going downhill when I started training for Knysna last year. I was pushing hard to improve my times and mostly due to weak glutes my knee’s started to get sore when I ran. 5km, 10km, 21lm – my knee’s ached and it hurt to climb stairs after a good run. I saw a bio who worked with me to get me through Knysna relatively pain-free, and then my running took a dive.
I managed to get through the Soweto half (which was supposed to be my first marathon but due to my knee’s and consistent and niggling illness was not) but honestly since them I’ve got into the running doldrums.
What makes me even madder at myself is that I was and still am to a level eating so badly but had mistakenly thought that my running (not realising my lack thereof) would keep me at my ideal weight.
I’ve gained 8.5kgs. I am so disappointed in myself. I’m disgusted that I’ve done what I promised I wouldn’t do. I am terrified of getting back into that old mindframe where food and drink are my solace and not healthy living.
I’ve finally dragged myself back onto the road two days ago. I need to keep myself running and have to pull back on my eating and wine drinking.
I hope I can do it. It sounds so simple – just go for a run Samantha! But the time! My kids have been sick and I’ve been exhausted from being up with them (since January guys! it’s been going on since January). My kit is put out in my bathroom for early morning runs every night and each morning when my alarm goes off I just cannot drag myself out of that bed.
What I do realise is that I miss my running. BADLY. I NEED to run to deal with my stress. I need to run to help myself maintain a healthy body and body image.
Now I just have to RUN!